Me Be VeG

Posts Tagged ‘surviving’

I’ve heard people say this sometimes after traumatic events. When there wasn’t anything they could do to make the situation better, but they were able to live through it. That was how today felt. And what was the reason for the day of shit? I don’t know.

Today was just one of those days that started out terrible and just got worse. It had nothing to do with the events, it was pretty much like any other day. But I just had that feeling of dread, of annoyance, of anger and crabbiness. No, this is not related to “women’s issues”  so take your thoughts away from that area. I didn’t even want to listen to music today, and that’s not like me. That’s when I know it’s different. It feels like things are slipping away, like I’m being pulled by the current in a direction opposite of where I want to go and I can’t get out of the surf. It’s like it’s out of my control. I don’t like not being in control. And I don’t like not knowing the cause of this loss of control. Even the thought of hope isn’t giving any comfort. I’m not sure what this means, but I *hope* it isn’t permanent.

I survived the day, and at this point that’s pretty much all I can ask. I can hope (there’s that word again, the one I’m unsure about) that tomorrow will be better and the sound of other people’s voices will not annoy me and music will not make me want to scream. Sometimes, it’s the most basic thing that I need to focus on. To survive, to not give up. Sometimes, that’s all I can ask.